femonster:

fatgirlsguide:

Why My Fiancé Wears A Ring

A lot of people think we’re already married when they check out the rings, and we could just go along with it but we choose to explain. The first time it happened, I overheard him say, “No. We aren’t married yet. We figured why does she have to wear one and I don’t? It doesn’t make much sense. We’re equals.”

D’awww. I picked a good one. But I’m not telling you this to brag. (Well, mostly.) I’m telling you this because there are a lot of things in marriage that are left over traditions of ownership. Which might not bode well if you’re a feminist, or even if you just find that totally whacked. Women are to wear engagement to let other possible suitors know she is spoken for… But what about the guy? Sure, I know anyone can take a ring off. But theres something different about your relationship when you wear one. It means something. No matter how long you’ve been together or how well you know each other- that ring brings it to another level if you want it to or not. I know I saw a slight difference in my fiancé when we went to get his ring. He was so excited! He picked it out and he looked at it throughout the days after, smiling. Just like I did. It became more real to him, like it was to me. We started planning more and talking about the wedding more often. I think it not only showed his commitment to me, but mine to him as well. That’s really important. It seemed like such a little thing. But it was really this almost revolutionary thing that he wore proudly.

I think the engagement ring might be the reason you also see such inequality in who cares about the wedding and who plans it. It’s her day. Her day. What about him? I remember my fiancé getting so pissed that my mom told him, “We plan it, you’re just supposed to show up.”What?! Why? Why do people think this way? It’s a day that is about the two of you coming together, so why keep all the sexist stuff alive? It’s a day to celebrate love and two equals coming together. Two better halves, if you will. So why would the engagement be any different?

I think during sophomore year, I was talking about engagement rings with friends and we all didn’t like the implications of the woman wearing an engagement ring while the man did not (he is still “single” in some senses, but marking his property…not that most men (I’m assuming) feel that way about it, as it is such a cultural norm now and the connotation is usually “Wow, he got you a really nice ring!” and not “Wow, he really spent a lot of money on an object that will let others know not to bother trying with you but he isn’t wearing a similar signifier of his relationship status”…not the mention all the issues with how horrible De Beers and the diamond industry are)

We have to do a capstone at the end of our college career (which ended up being nothing like this, but…) and I joked that I was going to sell “engageMENt rings”, which would be marketed to engaged (or soon to be) people to give to the special man in their life.

My dreams of capitalizing on changing our cultural gender expectations aside, I really liked this post.

This is an adorable idea.